Quotes by Woody Allen

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

Weddings       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker

Weddings       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."

Failure       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven."

Power       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

Patience       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly."

Hope       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep."

Wisdom       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."

Habits       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?"

Truth       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room."

Humor       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."

Truth       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."

Wisdom       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends."

Religion       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

Happiness       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments

"Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all."

Happiness       Email to a Friend       Comments:       Add Comments