"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
Humor Email to a Friend Comments: Add Comments
"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."
Humor Email to a Friend Comments: Add Comments
"The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him!"
Change Email to a Friend Comments: Add Comments
"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."
Beauty Email to a Friend Comments: Add Comments
"It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something."

