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Funny Quotes - Cool funny quotes.

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	Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness', but it doesn't work.
	Gallagher Email to a Friend

	Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
	George Burns Email to a Friend

	Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty five I still had pimples.
	George Burns Email to a Friend

	When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
	George Burns Email to a Friend

	Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
	George Burns Email to a Friend

	Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
	George Burns Email to a Friend

	I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
	George Burns Email to a Friend

	It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
	George Burns Email to a Friend

	You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
	George Burns Email to a Friend

	By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
	George Burns Email to a Friend

	Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
	George Burns Email to a Friend

	Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
	George Burns Email to a Friend

	There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
	George Carlin Email to a Friend

	Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
	George Carlin Email to a Friend

	Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
	George Carlin Email to a Friend

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