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Funny Quotes - Cool funny quotes. Page:
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"It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something."
Jack Handey Email to a Friend
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
Phyllis Diller Email to a Friend
"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B."
Fats Domino Email to a Friend
"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
Winston Churchill Email to a Friend
"The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him!"
Jack Handey Email to a Friend
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
Edgar Bergen Email to a Friend
"Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools."
Truman Capote Email to a Friend
"A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
Bill Cosby Email to a Friend
"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
Groucho Marx Email to a Friend
"Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head."
Carol Burnett Email to a Friend
"I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away."
Nancy Mitford Email to a Friend
"Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected."
Red Buttons Email to a Friend
"Youth is wasted on the young."
George Bernard Shaw Email to a Friend
"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."
Fran Lebowitz Email to a Friend
"Never have children, only grandchildren."
Gore Vidal Email to a Friend
